Back to School: how estranged parents can help their children

While it is not always easy for a couple who have separated to agree arrangements for their children, it can be even more of a challenge for farming families especially at this time of day.  Early starts for milking, and the long hours required at harvest can add to the stress, especially if a family cannot enlist the help of grandparents for school runs, after-school clubs, and wraparound care.

The Covid-19 pandemic has been hard on children as they were repeatedly parted from their friends and their studies for extended periods, due to numerous lockdowns and self-isolation rules.

No sooner were they back into a reassuring routine at school, albeit a routine featuring face coverings, social distancing and class bubbles, the summer holidays kicked in, again spelling separation from friends and a break from the reassuring familiarity of the classroom.

As a new term now beckons, with new teachers, new classrooms and for some a new school, this period of adjustment may be hard, but particularly so for children whose parents are going through separation or divorce.

Robert Bellhouse, family law specialist at Ware & Kay Solicitors in York & Wetherby advises how estranged parents can help their children achieve a smooth transition to the ‘new normal’ at school.

Most social distancing restrictions were lifted across the UK on 19 July 2021, but with cases still rising rapidly throughout the summer, there is no way of knowing whether or what new restrictions will be in place when children go back to school.

All parents should ensure that their children are completely aware of whatever new rules are introduced in the school environment before they go back, so that they know what is expected of them.

For separated parents, alleviating any potential anxieties that their children may understandably be experiencing may be harder because they cannot present a physical united front.

‘It can be a good idea if both estranged parents speak to their children and then talk through together what fears their young ones might be harbouring. They could then plan a strategy to alleviate those fears based on a spirit of cooperation and using a pre-agreed shared message,’ says Robert.

Routine is incredibly important to children, so before the new term starts you and your ex-partner should try and establish an agreed plan to ensure each child’s schedule is kept as stable as possible.

This may be problematic for farming families, who ordinarily might find it difficult to build a fixed routine for their children around their daily duties on the farm. Following a separation, it may be even harder to be on time for the school run, but a little planning and co-operation between you and your ex-partner will reap the rewards of happier, more stable children.

Sort out which parent is having the children on what nights and ensure that you and your ex-partner both establish set times for eating, bedtime and for their leisure activities.

Try and keep discussions amicable. Avoid arguing on the phone, particularly if the children may be listening. If issues arise, try to resolve them in person without the kids present.

One of the best ways of keeping lines of communication on good terms is to use mediation, to work through the terms of your separation and come to an agreed plan of action for your children and finances.

Mediation involves a mediator, an independent third party who does not offer advice or take sides, getting the separated parties together and talking through the issues with them. The mediation process is confidential, and its aim is to help the couple identify the matters that need to be resolved and find a solution acceptable to both sides.

Mediation is not always appropriate, for example, if domestic violence is a factor, but it can be very good way of allowing estranged partners to come to an agreement calmly and rationally for the sake of their children.

For more advice on mediation for your divorce or separation, or any other family law matter contact Robert Bellhouse on York 01904 716000, Wetherby 01937 583210 or Malton  01653 692247 or email robert.bellhouse@warekay.co.uk.